This question seems to be one that is frequently asked by those who wish to maintain sexual normalcy. Many supporters of traditional sexuality may ask "Why fix something that isn’t broken?" This opinion may be shared by those unwilling to give up sexual norms, at least in Western society. Where are the attitudes of these people coming from? Are these people reaping rewards from being a part of the majority in a world that is predominantly heterosexual? Why are alternative sexual orientations shunned? Sexuality is usually thought of as being related to sex, that is sexual intercourse, but according to Deborah C. Sterns’* (1995) Sexuality: The Privileging of Sex and Gender in Sexual Orientation, sexual orientation involves sexual attraction and the gender of the object of that attraction.Sterns addresses the problem of the constant association of sex with sexuality, which ignores the social and emotional factors involved in sexual identity and relationships, heterosexual or otherwise. In other words, society has the habit of thinking of sexual activity as central to sexual identity and romantic relationships. Charles Hansen and Anne Evans reiterate the same issue focusing on bisexuality:
A study conducted by Klein, Sepekoff, and Wolf showed that emotional and social preference are integral parts of sexual identity. For instance, women may be emotionally attracted to women (homosocial), yet, sexually attracted to men. In addition, social preference the study found that social preference was not related to sexual preference."Much of the confusion and conflict … arises from faulty placement of emphasis on genital sexual activity, rather than larger issues of loving. .. genitality [sic] is not all of sexuality. It is probable that sexuality relates to affection and affiliation, as well as genital behavior."
To broaden this perspective, Adrienne Rich supports the idea of a "lesbian continuum." This may involve romantic connection between women, yet not necessarily involve any sexual activity. In terms of relationships, Sterns* says sexuality is important in relationships insofar as that it is not the defining characteristic that determines relationship preference or even one’s self-identity or happiness. If society uses sex to define an individual, homosexuals will forever be stigmatized due to society’s intolerance of what is commonly termed "deviant" sexual activity. However, heterosexual relationships are accepted and are discussed in terms of both sex AND love. Herein lies the advantages of heterosexuality set by society:
1) procreation for the sake of creating a family
2) love and bonding accepted by society, and
3) public affection.If these are the benefits gained in being in a heterosexual relationship, traditional norms deny people of alternative lifestyles a full human experience of love. This can lead to isolation and loneliness.
*SOURCES
Sterns, D.C. (1995). Gendered Sexuality: The Privileging of Sex and Gender
in Sexual Orientation. NWSA Journal, 7, pp. 8-29.