On Changing a Major

    My life was once a puzzle
    Where all the pieces fit
    From birth to death and then beyond
    Formed by relationships.
    At the center of this puzzle
    Was the most important piece --
    My justification for being alive
    The dream that would never cease.
    This dream was what I lived for,
    It was who I hoped to be.
    I didn't realize it didn't belong
    In the center; it wasn't me.
    Finally I've discovered
    I'm more complex than I seem.
    I'm thoughts, feelings, relationships
    I'm much more than my dream.
    The appropriate piece I am missing
    Is a culmination of the rest
    Of those feelings, thoughts, relationships --
    It will be me at my best.
    While on my search I've listened to you
    And I've tried to understand
    That uniqueness that makes you special.
    I've learned more than I planned.
    We are so totally different,
    And we were created that way.
    Life has shaped your thoughts, your soul
    In an individual, fascinating way.
    Although we occasionally disagree
    In some ways we are the same.
    We have the same needs for acceptance.
    We've both had to struggle with pain.
    By observing the person you have become
    I've learned a lot about me.
    I've placed myself inside of you
    And through your eyes I've seen.
    I'd always done what I should do --
    I'd always seen what I should see --
    I'd always felt what I should feel
    And in the process, I'd lost -- me.
    By being with you, experiencing you
    I've broken down my wall; I've grown.
    I've felt your feelings in my numb heart
    And I've also begun to feel my own.
    I've discovered self-pity in my sorrow,
    In my broken heart I've discovered pride,
    In my depression I've discovered anger,
    And in the end I've learned to cry.
    Growing up is not merely a matter
    Of picking a major or choosing a goal.
    It's experiencing life and yourself at the fullest --
    Identifying and knowing the truth of your soul.
    When I'll finally find that piece
    I don't know -- I don't care,
    I'm absorbed in discovering a beautiful woman
    I never knew was there.
    
    -- Monica Lauer